thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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