You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
