wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
