god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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