did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
