good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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