so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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