Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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