Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
