My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
