I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She tied me up with her honor cords...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
