I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I looked at my own cervix.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
