He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
