im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Randomize
