my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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