i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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