atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
