Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
either way he was missing a nipple.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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