hotel room ftw
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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