So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
