come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
