he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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