everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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