How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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