I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
