i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
