The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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