scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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