How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
where are my eyebrows?
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