Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
