Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
