Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I met the friendliest cop last night
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
