what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
