my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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