I skipped work to stalk him.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
