One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
