your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
