I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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