i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We need a shit load of segways right now
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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