White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
