I think I just saw someone hide a body.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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