his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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