smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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