yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Don't make out with my wife yet
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
