Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
