Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i've created a new STD.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
