FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
