Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
