what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dignity is for republicans.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
