Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
