Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
