Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
