I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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