I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
