What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
