ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
