Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
