We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
