I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
