i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
