exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
