Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
